Satire by Jose Alejandrino
1. The US is grateful to BBM for giving it access to nine of its military bases that can be used as platforms against China in event of a US-China war over Taiwan without asking for compensation from it by providing military hardware for our AFP like $3.8-billion annually it gives to Israel, $12-billion to Taiwan, and $130-billion it has given so far to Ukraine. To reciprocate BBM’s largesse, the US has given the Philippines $100-million for the latter to upgrade runways, housing and storage facilities at EDCA bases that can accommodate American bombers and fighter planes and US pre-positioned military equipment and logistic supplies that may be needed to re-supply Taiwan. The Philippines is also thankful to Uncle Sam for two 30-year-old Cyclone-class patrol vessels donated recently to the Philippine Navy. These old vessels will go a long way to modernizing the AFP as their shelf life is estimated at 50 years like the Cannon-class frigates given to our navy after the Second World War that earned us praise for the only navy in the world having 50-year-old ships.
2. Our ASEAN neighbors must be grateful to BBM for taking up the cudgel against China. Indonesian investors gladly offered BBM $22-million in investments while their president was signing after the Summit multi-billion dollar projects with China under the latter’s Belt ‘n Road Initiative. With the Philippines no longer competing with ASEAN countries for Chinese-funded projects, there is more money available to them. US VP Kamala Harris who attended the Summit was naturally happy by looking at the smile on her face as she listened to BBM’s beautifully-crafted speech criticizing China.
3. Filipinos must be happy at BBM’s reverting our country to the status of an American protectorate. Since time immemorial, they dreamnt of being the 51st State of the United States, even copying its corrupt political system that benefited Philippine oligarchs and kept the majority of Filipinos poor so they can’t protest.
4. The Deep State of liberals and globalists nurtured by the World Economic Forum founded by Klaus Schwab and composed of the world’s rich elite must be grateful to BBM for the latter’s contribution in pushing their agenda for a New World Order where as Klaus Schwab said “the masses will be happy owning nothing.” BBM’s Great Society mirrors their image of a New Society by a Great Reset ruled by the established elite to which BBM belongs by being the richest man in the Philippines with a personal wealth of $3-billion estimated by Bloomberg and the custodian of his father’s gold worth $40 to $43-billion at today’s current price.
5. Filipinos should be happy with the huge budget allocation of ₱1.41-billion to cover BBM’s travel expenses since his travels are necessary to propagate his image around the world as the savior of the Philippines, as Asia’s leading warrior against the Red Dragon that threatens the world, as Uncle Sam’s Best Friend Forever willing to risk his country, its people, its armed forces in a noble crusade for freedom and democracy now that Ukraine’s Zelensky appears to be fading from the scene as the new Winston Churchill. Sadly, Zelensky has not be able to match Churchill’s oratory skills being a mere comedian but BBM being a graduate of Oxford has proven himself to be up to the task. Therefore Filipinos must understand BBM needs to travel around the world accompanied by his wife, his son Sandro, his relative Martin Romualdez to ensure his speeches are greeted by wide applause after delivering them. This is the way to place the Philippines back on the map after a dreary president Duterte failed to communicate the right message. Filipinos must understand that the way to greatness is not through achievements, which BBM still needs to achieve, but through great speeches that can inflame the world and that he, Bongbong, was marked for that destiny.
All Filipinos are expected to greet our new savior with cries of, “Ave Caesar, we who are about to die salute you!”